Tuesday, 02 March 2021
Welcome to A4everFamily! Print

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Welcome to A4everFamily! We’re glad you’re here. If you are a parent or will soon be a parent of a child (including an infant or toddler) who has experienced one or more of the following, we especially welcome you!

In-utero stress (which may include birthmother's stress over pending adoption)
Foster Care
Sudden separation from primary caregiver
Moves between families
Move to a new country
Unresolved pain issues such as reflux or ear infections
Neglect (including unintentional, due to orphanage stay)

When we began this journey over five years—both yesterday and a lifetime—ago, we were uneducated about the effects of early trauma on an infant. Our adoption agencies did not talk about it; but frankly, if they had, it’s questionable as to whether we would have believed them. We, like most of you, grew up hearing that “kids are resilient.” While that phrase may help adults feel better, it simply isn’t true and to predicate that myth does an incredible disservice to children and the families that love them.

Our children are our teachers. They continually challenge our beliefs about what we know and what we desire to learn. In our early lessons, the focus was on attachment. Although we continue to believe that “attachment issues” are a significant piece of the puzzle for the majority of children arriving home as infants, our children have taught us that there are other pieces. Children who are separated from their birth mothers experience trauma. In-utero stress and postnatal aggravators like moves, hospitalizations, transitions to new countries and new families all contribute to the neurological deluge, resulting in symptoms that may look like anything from attachment problems to sensory overload to autistic-like behaviors. Some children immediately show signs of a problem. Some enjoy a long honeymoon, only to start showing symptoms after several months home. Others fly under the radar for years, only to be confronted with their early trauma experience when they hit a milestone like school, preadolescence, or the teen years.

While on the surface this news appears daunting, it’s actually one filled with immense hope because YOU ARE HERE. That means you are willing to educate yourself in preparation to be the parent your child needs. Hurt children can heal. But “normal” parenting methods and advice from Auntie Lou are not going to cut it. Let what we’ve learned from our children help you to become the best parent you can be.
The content on A4everFamily is for informational purposes only. We are adoptive parents who have read widely, attended hundreds of therapy sessions, and gone to many seminars, but we are not professionals. The opinions and suggestions expressed here are not intended to replace professional evaluation or therapy. We assume no responsibility in the decisions that families make for their children.
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