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Monday, 18 January 2021
Aggression toward parent Print
She was striking my face her first three nights at home until I caught her hand in the air and said, "no ma'am." She understood right away what I meant, wriggled her hand out of mine, and struck me again. Since then it became a battle of the wills and violence is something I have little patience for. She resorted to head-butting when she was 9 months old. I literally heard my nose crack one afternoon as she dove into my face, head first. I don't know what the attachment therapists would say, but I suggest holding time and stopping the hand when it comes at you. Since she has begun attaching, her hitting has dramatically decreased. Now she just bites my shoulder and I'm pretty sure it's because she's a slow teether (I hope). (a. 6mo, FC)

During bottle time, my son's fingers would slowly inch toward my mouth for what I thought was going to be normal baby exploration. Then he'd take a finger and hook it behind my bottom front teeth, under my tongue...HARD!!! Like a hooked fish!!!!! He'd gently touch my nose right before he rammed a finger up my nose. He'd also scrap a fingernail against my teeth...hard enough that I was afraid he'd slip and gouge my gums. During the night he'll often gently reach for me but then slam his arm or head into my chest. He's also attempted to bite, pinch, kick and hit me. All of this has drastically changed with attachment therapy. (a. 5.5mo, FC)

Our son would make eye contact (something he doesn't normally do), then reach up very gently and stroke my cheek. Each time he'd get a little closer to my bottom eyelid. Then, once he'd crept up my face he'd pinch HARD and TWIST--all of this while looking right at me. He did this within a week of coming home and continues to do it on bad days. It is ABSOLUTELY INTENTIONAL. Additionally, he hits, pinches, scratches, kicks -- and has since we've known him. Sometimes this is clearly intent to harm. But other times I think it's related to his inability to sense pain appropriately. I know that what he does to me would not hurt him -- and I think that must make it difficult for him to understand. He must wonder how two adults survived being so delicate. There's also hair pulling, but it nearly always comes in his sleep. OK, 75% of the time he's asleep. I'm not convinced it's intentional. (a. 6mo, FC)

I seemed to become aware of this around 10 mos. He would like to touch my eyelashes--gently at first and then he would stab me in the eye with his finger! He did this with my mouth too---the "fish hook"--gently at first and then he would close in for the kill. I KNOW it is intentional. I can see it in his eyes. He will look lovingly at me so I let my guard down (hoping upon hope he is going to be gentle this time) and then he narrows his eyes a bit and whammo! Then he smiles and laughs like a little devil. The hitting started when we began attachment work---around 14 mos. old. He hit his siblings, dad, and especially mom. He would raise his arm like he was going to gently touch me and then SMACK! Same smile afterwards. This has dramatically decreased now that I know how to handle it. (a. 6mo, FC)

My 17-month-old hurts us intentionally...it was much worse before...now it's when the anxiety is heightened or when he's sick. He pulls my hair, does the fishhook, rips my glasses off my face, scratches my chest, pushes me away, and pinches our necks...though he only pinches my husband now...never me. When he does it he usually looks happy and he gives me great eye contact (a difficult thing for him normally). He'll act like he's gently going to stroke my cheek or something and then BAM! I never get upset anymore...I gently take his hand and stroke my cheek and say "Ahhhh, Mommy....gentle." And then I take my hand and do the same to him "Ahhhh, his name...gentle." This is when the anger comes out and he starts screaming and pushing me away. It's like I took his control away by showing him how to be nice to mommy...he was probably hoping I'd put him down to prove I don't care about him...WRONG! When he hurts me now, it's my indication that he's off and feeling unsafe...not as frequent anymore but it still comes and goes. However, he pinches Daddy's neck on a daily basis....Daddy used to get mad and say "NO!" but the therapist told him that was the worst thing he could do. If I remember correctly, she described it as passive-aggressive behavior and an angry reaction was causing him to want to do it more. (a. 6mo, FC)

I agree with "hurting mom" to be a common symptom. My daughter also hooks my mouth. It is sooooo painful. She also pulls my hair. It's another thing that I let go on from when she was a baby. I thought it was a stage she would outgrow, but there doesn't seem to be any end in sight. And she really gets a grip and yanks. She also bit me once during holding when she was turning her face to avoid eye contact. She bit the inner part of my bicep. Luckily she only has her two bottom teeth so she was unable to break skin, but I got a bruise from her bite that lasted a few days. She also loves to try and pull my glasses off. Her touch is so rough and aggressive compared to my son's. I don't think she calculates that she's going to hurt me by doing _____, but I think it's a subconscious act on her part to keep me at a distance so that she won't get too close to me...fear of allowing me to love her. (a. 4.5mo, FC)

My daughter has just started this lovely behavior when overly excited. Like if I am holding her and one of the kids comes and starts to play a silly game with her she will slam her head really hard into my chest. I mean HARD and it hurts! She also will do this sometimes when I am holding her and talking to someone else. She will start smiling at the other person and when they respond to her she will slam her head on my chest over and over. I'm getting bruised by an 18 lb pipsqueak! (a. 10mo, OR)
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