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Saturday, 16 January 2021
24. Prefers Dad to Mom Print
In our case my husband worked a great deal and was not home very often, so it was difficult to understand why our son was so excited to see his Daddy and why he cried when Daddy left.  After all, Daddy was not there to meet his basic needs.  Daddy did not feed him, give him bottles, change his wet diapers, comfort him when he was hurt or upset; yet our son preferred his father to me.  I was there all day long, meeting all of his needs, and our son never noticed if I was there or not.  He could have cared less if I walked out of the room at any given time but would cry a flood of tears when Daddy left.  This behavior started after our son had been home about four months. (a. 6mo, FC)
My son showed a strong preference for Mom from day one; from the beginning he would cry if Mom left the room.  At 17 months, after he’d been home for almost a year, we enjoyed the holidays with Daddy home for a week.  When Daddy returned to a regular work schedule, our son would scream and cry every morning as Daddy moved toward the door.  At times, he would throw himself around Daddy’s legs in an attempt to keep him from leaving.  He suddenly showed complete rejection towards Mom.  (a. 5.5mo, FC)
Initially, he preferred Mom to Dad but after a month or so he started to shift his affection and attention to Dad.  After a few months of being home, he was only showing affection towards Dad (hugs, kisses).  Once attachment work began, he began being more affectionate with Mom.  He still will give kisses more willingly to Dad but is starting to equally show his affection for both of us.  (a. 6 mo, FC)
This was the case from the beginning. She would cling to Dad and shriek at the sight of me. While still in China, if Dad went into the bathroom, she would frantically try to drag herself (she did not crawl, and regressed in her "cruising" ability) toward the bathroom, screaming in absolute terror. She continued to prefer Dad for months. She made the switch to Mom at about the same time that anxious attachment symptoms began to become very evident. (a. 11mo, FC)
While in China our daughter did not prefer either one of us.  She slept in her crib in a room with me (Mom) and I did all of her caregiving, held her in the baby carrier, etc… On the last day of our trip I noticed that when my husband started to walk out of the hotel room that our daughter started to get frantic and started crawling away from me to follow him.  At first we thought it was “cute” that she missed Daddy.  On the trip home he held her more because I was totally exhausted.  When we got in our car to drive home she started to get hysterical because Daddy hadn't gotten into the car yet.  I was sitting right next to her.  For the next week she would only smile for him.  She’d follow him out of a room if he got up.  We decided it would be best if Dad became low key and for two weeks he did not pick up/hold/play with his new daughter.  During that time I did all of her care/bottles/carrying and wore her nonstop in the baby carrier.  By the end of two weeks she started to fuss if I walked away.  Six months later, she follows me everywhere and is excessively clingy.  But if Daddy is home and sitting on the couch she will happily play by him and not care if I come or go at all.  (a. 10mo, OR)
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