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Saturday, 16 January 2021
14. Does not hold on when being held (no reciprocal holding) Print
Carrying my son was like carrying a ton of bricks.  I began to feel like I had arthritis of the hands and fingers from clutching so tightly or he'd just fall right to the floor.  Once he became more attached, he felt lighter and lighter despite the gain in weight and size. (a. 6mo, FC)
This was probably the first clue I had that something wasn't right around 10 months of age.  I had never noticed it before, but one day I couldn't figure out why he seemed to be sliding out of my arms so much.  I finally realized he doesn't mold his body to mine or hold onto my shoulder with his hand.  His legs tend to slide off my hips.  Even when I would pretend to let him go a bit--he wouldn't grab onto me.  Even after working on attachment for over 2 months, he still doesn't hold on to me.  Both of his hands stay out, away from my body. (a. 6 mo, FC)
I noticed that my son did not hold on to me with his legs, arms, and hands early on, before we became aware of any attachment issues.  My husband and I even discussed it because it made carrying our son so much more difficult.  At the time, we concluded that our son trusted us so much that he knew we would hold him and not drop him even if he did not hold on.  After working on attachment just 2.5 months, he began to hold on, squeezing with his legs and holding on with his arms!   Even though he is heavier now, carrying him is so much easier than when he was a baby.  (a. 4.5mo, FC)
My daughter held on to me occasionally when we first adopted her, but after several weeks, she ceased holding on.  We're working on attachment with her and after 4 months of attachment therapy, she is still not holding on.  (a. 4.5mo, FC)
She never did this, from day one.  Carrying her was like carrying a log--arms dangling at her sides, legs and feet hanging straight down.  Finally, at age 2.5, we were watching the Wiggly Safari video and I got a brainstorm!  We talked about how the koala babies cling to their mommies.  After that, anytime I was carrying her, I would tell her to "be a koala baby."  She was probably 3.25 before she began to initiate the behavior ("Mommy, I'm being a koala baby!"), and finally at age 4, she is holding reciprocally without reference to koalas by either of us. (a. 11mo, FC)
This was subtle.  I think he did hold on in the beginning.  Later, he kept one hand on my chest and locked his elbow to keep me at a distance. (a. 5.5mo, FC)
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