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Accepting RAD Print
Thursday, 15 December 2005
"What's so hard to accept about RAD (reactive attachment disorder)?"

The thing that is hardest for me to accept about RAD is this--I adopted a baby not knowing anything about being a therapeutic parent. I assumed that this baby would eventually grow accustomed to me and love me the way that any other kid would love someone that was their primary caregiver. I expected the usual "terrible two's" and no sleep and colds and fevers. I knew having a child was going to be hard and being a parent even harder. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be parenting the way I am parenting now. I wanted a kid that would accept my love. I didn't want to teach a kid how to accept love.

Of course, I have no choice now. I'm doing what I need to do in order to heal my child and survive this myself. I've grown used to it and slowly accepted it. It took A LONG time though to do so. The emotional toll RAD takes on a family (especially the mother) is the hardest thing for me to accept. You get beaten down and feel like a failure. Why is it hard to accept? Because everyone wants the "normal" family. No one wants their child to have a tougher time in life than necessary. My heart breaks for my son. He's just a little kid, why does he have to have such a rough start? To me, RAD is no different than other special needs. But to others (who deny RAD), I think it's because it causes pain and fear in the very core of their heart and they think it is a reflection of their parenting. I know I used to.

Comments
Accepting.....
Written by on 2005-12-18 07:29:07
Wow, it's really great how you are beginning to accept yourself. After an explanation of RAD to a very good friend, she said to me,"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." I was very much taken aback until I chose to confide a little in someone not quite so close in order to help my daughter, and got a brush off (I don't want to know you) and my daughter experienced the same thing from her daughter. I know it is not a reflection of my parenting but it has been a very long road. I am becoming less judgemental of others each and every day.
accepting the change...
Written by BG on 2006-09-28 10:46:28
"No one wants their child to have a tougher time in life than necessary..." I worry about both of my children -- the one without RAD, who now, due to my decision to adopt, must live with it, and the other, with RAD, who may never have a "normal" relationship. I have stopped discussing my son's RAD with "outsiders" -- even close friends and family. "You don't get it, unless you GET it!" Attachment issues run so deeply with my son, that I fear we will never have a normal life -- our familly is forever changed. I only hope that I can make a dent in his pain and help him to see through it. I don't know yet...

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