Friday, 27 November 2020
Accepting RAD Print
Thursday, 15 December 2005
"What's so hard to accept about RAD (reactive attachment disorder)?"

The thing that is hardest for me to accept about RAD is this--I adopted a baby not knowing anything about being a therapeutic parent. I assumed that this baby would eventually grow accustomed to me and love me the way that any other kid would love someone that was their primary caregiver. I expected the usual "terrible two's" and no sleep and colds and fevers. I knew having a child was going to be hard and being a parent even harder. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd be parenting the way I am parenting now. I wanted a kid that would accept my love. I didn't want to teach a kid how to accept love.

Of course, I have no choice now. I'm doing what I need to do in order to heal my child and survive this myself. I've grown used to it and slowly accepted it. It took A LONG time though to do so. The emotional toll RAD takes on a family (especially the mother) is the hardest thing for me to accept. You get beaten down and feel like a failure. Why is it hard to accept? Because everyone wants the "normal" family. No one wants their child to have a tougher time in life than necessary. My heart breaks for my son. He's just a little kid, why does he have to have such a rough start? To me, RAD is no different than other special needs. But to others (who deny RAD), I think it's because it causes pain and fear in the very core of their heart and they think it is a reflection of their parenting. I know I used to.

Written by on 2005-12-18 07:29:07
Wow, it's really great how you are beginning to accept yourself. After an explanation of RAD to a very good friend, she said to me,"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone." I was very much taken aback until I chose to confide a little in someone not quite so close in order to help my daughter, and got a brush off (I don't want to know you) and my daughter experienced the same thing from her daughter. I know it is not a reflection of my parenting but it has been a very long road. I am becoming less judgemental of others each and every day.
accepting the change...
Written by BG on 2006-09-28 10:46:28
"No one wants their child to have a tougher time in life than necessary..." I worry about both of my children -- the one without RAD, who now, due to my decision to adopt, must live with it, and the other, with RAD, who may never have a "normal" relationship. I have stopped discussing my son's RAD with "outsiders" -- even close friends and family. "You don't get it, unless you GET it!" Attachment issues run so deeply with my son, that I fear we will never have a normal life -- our familly is forever changed. I only hope that I can make a dent in his pain and help him to see through it. I don't know yet...

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