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Deborah Gray's Long Awaited 2nd Book Print
Thursday, 07 June 2007
If you, like I, have been awaiting Deborah Gray's new book, Nurturing Adoptions: Creating Resilience after Neglect and Trauma, it's here. I'm 150 pages in (510 page book!) and already know it's well-worth the read, filling a hole in adoption literature. Watch for an upcoming review.
Disrupting Adoptions Print
Wednesday, 06 June 2007
It’s a topic no one wants to talk about. Including me.

When I entered the world of adoption several years ago, I believed that disruption was never an option. Ever. Not under any circumstances. Like many of you, I’ve been grieved to learn of parents disrupting because the image of “ideal child” somehow went unmet. Let me be clear that this is not what I’m talking about here.

What I am talking about is situations in which the child absolutely must be removed in order to give the child the best-case scenario to heal. In an effort to heal their child, the parents are forced to make a heart-wrenching decision and place their child in another home.

One might wonder why this topic is being addressed on a website primarily aimed at children who arrive home as infants or toddlers. The cruel reality is it is happening more and more often to children who were placed as babies. Children are coming home more emotionally traumatized than families are prepared to handle. Perhaps the family lives in an area without professional assistance or cannot afford the very costly help that the area has available. Or the child is causing serious physical and/or emotional harm to other children in the family. Or the health of the adoptive parents doesn’t allow for the safe protection of an extremely aggressive child. Or a marriage dissolves, leaving a single parent unable to deal with the child’s severe behaviors.

Education is definitely one answer--education for both families and placing agencies. How can this best be done? What other answers are there? How can we save more children—more families—from the pain of disruption? 'Cause that’s a topic we should all be talking about.

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Maternal Stress & Unborn Babies Print
Monday, 04 June 2007
Sheena Macrae, co-editor of Adoption Parenting sent us a link to an article entitled "Babies in womb feel mothers’ anxiety at only four months." She writes, "I think this is a very useful piece of research for our adopted children. I presume that a woman who knows she may be carrying an overquota child is stressed, I assume that a woman carrying a child and who knows that child won’t have permission to be born is stressed, a woman living in poverty is stressed, a woman living in abusive marriage is stressed, an unmarried mother is stressed... Etc. Therefore her child according to this article will be stressed…the stress hormones basically preparing the baby for reception into a hostile world. These are the children so many of us are parenting."

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Interview with Nancy Thomas Print
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Nancy Thomas, a therapeutic mom, speaker, and writer on attachment, shares her views on what it's like for families who are parenting hurt children in this interview.

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A Poem for Mother's Day Print
Friday, 11 May 2007
For Warrior Moms battling FOR their children: a repeat of a poem for Mother's Day...

by Jean MacLeod

I didn't sign up to be a Warrior Mom.
It was awarded to me by default:
I showed up to mother a baby.
In the early days of our adoption
I clanked around in oversize Armor that hung heavy and slow.
It took me awhile to realize that it had been designed for me to grow into.

I'd been outfitted as a Warrior Mom
but didn't understand what I was fighting.
It was with fear and steel
that I dealt with awful knowledge--
I was fighting for the love and affection
of a baby who no longer trusted.

Making a child's world right
is all-consuming and never-ending.
I figured out why I wore Armor: it held me up at the end of the day.
So many invisible dragons to slay!
I battled for my baby
and I battled to be her mother.
I took rejection-- arrows glancing off metal-- and came back for more.
I demanded a place in the life of my daughter
and I learned to share her with her past.

I became a Warrior Mom
and ditched the Armor, but kept the shield.
Not for me, but to protect the child that became mine
through sweat and tears and years of no sleep!

Who knew this Mom could tilt at windmills
angry feelings and powerful ghosts?
I don't cook, can't sew, won't craft
but I learned I could fight
and I don't give up.
Sometimes it takes a Warrior Mom
to claim a child who has gone past love.

Untapped, under-appreciated,
a Mother's Will is Mighty.
It can make love spring from metal
and change Armor to open arms.

Reprinted by permission of Jean MacLeod, one of the authors with EMK Press and co-editor of the amazing book, Adoption Parenting.

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